What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 00:56
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
All the time i was locked up.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
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The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What is the one thing you don't understand that others do?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I write beautiful poetry .
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He resisted the act ,that day.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Would this be the day?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
How do I change a truck’s engine oil?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was 9 years of age.
I was seconnd youngest,
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One cannot hold on to bitterness.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
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As i do to all so called friends.?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I will be 64.
Have you ever dealt with a Christian narcissist?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We all went to grammer schools
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
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We were not on the streets..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Where are the gay people in India?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Has anyone shared his wife with a friend? How was it?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What do you think of Andrew Tate?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I have no regrets .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was in good health!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But, we were locked up after school.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Especially a lifetime of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My life is so biszare .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Who then, do I blame.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And i lived it daily.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
So, i spoilt her more .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was very sick at this time too.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I could never make a relationship work though!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But it wasn’t much.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I couldn’t, believe it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Put me off passion for life!!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im still living with it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I don,t even have a pension.
Comes on , in middle age.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She loved him until the end.
One cannot live in the past .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
When she asked me how she looked .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He knew the spot.
She found it foreign!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I said to her
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What did i know ?
So whats the point in blame.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
It was going to be , some day.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Ive learnt so much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was scared of men, in general
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I waited trembling.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I think the readers, may guess!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She wouldn,t have been !
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She married twice! .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
This is soul school!.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
(And it was in our own minds.)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.